12 Step Beginner’s Guide to Introducing Sex Toys into Your Relationship

There is a common fear that sex toys will replace a partner, yet bringing a sex toy into the bedroom actually has a whole host of benefits. Aside from the obvious pleasure gains, incorporating toys can actually enhance your communication – key for a healthy relationship and sex life.

One study, hosted by WeVibe found that 49 percent of couples using vibrators reported communicating often, compared to only 29 percent of couples who didn’t.

Not only that, but have you ever heard of the Orgasm Gap? Just like the Gender Pay Gap, it basically sums up the inequality of the rate of orgasms. Where cis heterosexual men “usually” orgasm 95 percent of the time during sex, just 65 percent of cis heterosexual women are – and this is compared to 86 percent of lesbian women. This might have something to do with the fact that only 20% of cis women can reach orgasm through vaginal penetration. 

Why you should play with sex tech (and the only real rule to remember)

There are a lot of suggestions on getting started with sex toys and sex tech in a relationship below, but there’s only one ‘rule’ to remember: it should be fun and safe for anyone involved. With that firmly lodged in mind…onto the tech.

Many smart devices are designed to enhance your pleasure with a partner, not to replace them. Using a tool to help focus on sexual activities outside of penis-in-vagina penetrative sex can increase the chances of orgasm, hopefully closing that gap once and for all.

Also keep in mind that there is no pressure to introduce a toy into the bedroom at all, if you or your partner aren’t open to the idea. Sex should be fun, and toys are a great tool for adult play time. They can open up your mind to new positions, new forms of pleasure and ultimately a newly rejuvenated sexual relationship. 

Okay, so now you know the why, how on earth will you do it? Here’s some practical tips for you to try at home. 

First steps to introducing a sex toy into your bedroom

Start off Solo

#1 Don’t *do* anything – just think.

That’s right, have a long hard think. Before even bringing this up with your partner, ask yourself what exactly it is you’d like to explore, this will help determine what toy you should get. What genitals do you both have? Are you in a long distance relationship? You could download a sexual wellness audio guide like Ferly or Emjoy and try body mapping to investigate into what sensory experiences you like.

#2 Experiment to find out what you enjoy

If you have some toys at home, try experimenting with those first. Get to know what your body likes with your clitoral vibrator, or nipple clamps, to then be able to communicate how you’d like your partner to use the toy on you. 

#3 Fantasise

Okay, you’ve thought long and hard about what you will enjoy, you’ve been experimenting with your vibrating eggs (or anything else!)… now try fantasising what sex tech you’d like to explore with your partner. 
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How to get your partner involved with sex toys

#4 Communication is Key

Now for the tricky bit. Opening up discussions around sex with your partner can be a little scary if you aren’t used to it. But using sex toys as a starting point can be a great way to find out what you both like in the bedroom and what fantasies you’d like to explore. 

Make it a judgement-free zone where anything is possible. Remember, it’s just a conversation – you don’t have to make any of it a reality if you don’t want to.

#5 Browse Online

You could start by looking up options together on the internet. Checking out specifically couples toys or toys for bums or cock rings, for example. 

#6 Sharing is Caring

Maybe you’re in a long-distance relationship (ldr) and you can’t browse in the room together. Share links to some remote control sex tech that you’d like to try, or you’d think they would like.

#7 Make It Sext-y

Throughout your day, you can integrate your fantasies into your sexts. Make it fun and playful by saying something like “I can’t wait to use your Fleshlight on you while kissing you hard.”
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Invest in your mutual pleasure

#8 Gift It

Why not spoil your partner and buy a toy for them as a gift? Or even better, if you’re not sure what they’d like, buy them a Gift Card so they can choose themselves. Then play with it together. 

#9 Shop for Variety

Not sure which hi-tech sex toy to try first? Most types of toy are available at a range of price points. If you have the luxury of purchasing more than one, try to shop for a wider variety of toys and enjoy multiple sessions trying them out – rather than buying three different clitoral vibrators, for example. 

#10 Dominate and Control

Are you the dominant type? Or maybe you’ve never experimented with BDSM. Now’s your chance. Tie up and remote control their pleasure with a toy like the Remote Petite Pantie Teaser, edging them to near orgasm, and refusing to let them climax.

#11 Watch and Learn

Watch your partner use their favourite toy on themselves to learn what they like. Have your partner watch you use the same toy, or another to gauge where your erogenous zones are. A Magic Wand such as the Doxie Die Cast Wand Massager, are amazing for all genitals with their deep rumbling vibrations.

#12 Mutual Pleasure

There are some wonderful couple toys out there designed to simultaneously benefit you during partner play such as vibrating cock rings with clitoral stimulation attachments, worn during penetrative sex to vibrate the clitoris and the base of the penis.

There are plenty of ways you can explore introducing sex tech into your relationship. The takeaways? Make a space free from judgement, and be open to enjoying new heights of pleasure with your partner! 

Just make sure you have that conversation first.

Read Next: There’s still stigma around masturbation sleeves, but there are some real benefit

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