First sex toy guide: What to feel, what to avoid & what to actually buy

Buying your first sex toy should feel exciting. For a lot of people, it mostly feels overwhelming. You open a website, get hit with a wall of silicone shapes in every conceivable colour, and end up closing the tab and doing nothing. Sound familiar? You’re not alone, and the problem isn’t you — it’s that most beginner guides lead with products when they should be leading with you.

This guide works the other way round. Before we name a single product, we’re going to help you figure out what you actually want to feel. Once you know that, the right toy becomes obvious. We’ll also cover the body safety basics that every first-time buyer deserves to know, clear up the three most common beginner mistakes, and finish with a shortlist of specific, genuinely beginner-appropriate products across different use cases and price points.

Think of this as everything a knowledgeable friend would tell you before you spent a penny.

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Start Here: What Do You Actually Want to Feel?

This is the question nobody asks, and it’s the most important one. A lot of first-time buyers choose a toy based on what looks impressive, what their friend mentioned, or what’s on sale. That’s roughly as effective as ordering dinner by pointing at a random item on the menu. Sometimes you get lucky. Often you end up with something that doesn’t suit you at all.

So before you look at a single product, answer this honestly.

Do you want external stimulation? This means stimulation focused on the external parts of the vulva — primarily the clitoris — or the perineum, frenulum, and other external erogenous zones on any body. If you’ve ever found that external touch brings you closest to orgasm, this is your category. Clitoral stimulators, vibrating wands, and air pressure toys all live here.

Do you want internal stimulation? This means penetration — fingers, a dildo, a vibrating internal toy. If you find G-spot pressure or a feeling of fullness pleasurable, this is worth exploring. If you’re newer to penetration or find it uncomfortable, starting externally is almost always the better call.

Do you want dual stimulation? Some toys are designed to deliver both internal and external stimulation simultaneously. Rabbit-style vibrators are the most recognisable format. They can be extraordinary, but they have a learning curve, and they require some familiarity with your own anatomy to get the positioning right. For most first-time buyers, a focused single-purpose toy will deliver faster, more reliable results. As we noted in our roundup of top toys for vulvas, real-world reviewers consistently recommend starting simple before layering up. It’s also worth knowing that the type of vibration a toy produces matters as much as its intensity. Our guide to rumbly vs buzzy vibrators is worth a read before you commit to anything.

Is this for solo use or partnered use? Both are completely valid, but they point you towards different product categories. Solo toys are designed for one-person use and optimised for your pleasure alone. Partnered toys — couples’ vibrators, remote-controlled toys, wearables — are designed to work while you’re with another person or to give a partner some control. We’ve written before about how sex toys strengthen rather than threaten partnered sex, and if that’s the direction you’re heading, there’s a section for you further down.

If you’re genuinely unsure, start with external stimulation on whatever body parts you have. It’s the most commonly reported route to orgasm for people with vulvas, and for penis owners, external stimulation toys tend to be more forgiving as a starting point than internal options. You can always go broader once you know what you like.

Body Safety Basics Nobody Told You About

This is the part most beginner guides skip because it’s less exciting than product recommendations. We’re not skipping it, because buying the wrong toy isn’t just a waste of money. It can genuinely cause harm.

Porous vs Non-Porous Materials

Here’s the thing about sex toy materials that the industry doesn’t always shout about. Some materials are porous, meaning they have microscopic holes that trap bacteria, bodily fluids, and cleaning product residue. You can wash a porous toy but you cannot sterilise it, and over time that creates a genuine hygiene risk. If the material also contains phthalates (chemical plasticisers used in cheap PVC and “jelly rubber” toys), you’ve got a product actively leaching potentially harmful chemicals against some of the most absorbent tissue in the body.

Non-porous materials don’t have this problem. They can be properly cleaned, and the best ones can be fully sterilised.

The materials you want are medical-grade silicone, ABS plastic, borosilicate glass, and stainless steel. That’s the whole list. Anything else — jelly rubber, PVC, TPE, TPR, “skin-safe” materials without further specification — is worth treating with serious scepticism.

Medical-grade silicone is the gold standard for anything that’s going to be used internally or that sits against delicate tissue for extended periods. It’s non-porous, body-safe, durable, and easy to clean. Most reputable brands use it as their primary material.

ABS plastic is a rigid, non-porous plastic used in most vibrator casings and controls. It’s completely body-safe and very easy to clean. You’ll find it in most quality toys as either the primary material or the housing around the motor.

Borosilicate glass is the same glass used in laboratory equipment. It’s non-porous, can be sterilised by boiling, and is temperature-play friendly. Despite what you might assume, it’s extremely strong. Pyrex is borosilicate glass. The concern isn’t fragility. Make sure you’re buying from a brand that uses genuine borosilicate rather than lower-grade annealed glass.

Stainless steel is similarly non-porous, sterilisable, and suitable for temperature play. Heavy, smooth, and extremely durable.

How to Spot an Unsafe Toy Online

Marketplace sites like Amazon have a persistent problem with unverifiable sex toy listings. If you’re shopping there or on any platform that allows third-party sellers, here’s what to look for. No material disclosure or a vague claim like “body-safe” without specifying the material is a red flag. “Phthalate-free jelly” is still jelly. Phthalate-free just means it doesn’t contain one specific group of chemicals and it does nothing to make a porous material non-porous. Prices significantly below market rate for well-known brand names usually indicate counterfeits. If a product has no recognisable brand name, no website, and reviews that read like they were written in bulk, trust your instincts.

The Three Things Beginners Get Wrong

Even with the best intentions, most first-time buyers fall into one of three traps. Here’s how to avoid all of them.

Size Anxiety

There’s a persistent cultural assumption that bigger means more pleasurable. For the vast majority of people — especially those newer to penetration — the opposite is true. If you’re buying an internal toy, starting with something on the smaller, slimmer end means your body has time to relax and adjust, and you’re far more likely to find penetration comfortable and enjoyable. A toy that’s too large before your body is ready for it won’t feel good and may put you off the whole experience unnecessarily.

For external stimulators, size matters less than placement precision. Smaller, more targeted toys — like a compact bullet vibrator — often outperform large wands for many people precisely because they’re easier to position accurately.

Power Anxiety

Walking past the highest power setting on a new vibrator isn’t a sign of weakness. More than a few first-time buyers have gone straight to the most intense setting, found it overwhelming, and concluded they “don’t like vibrators” when what they actually experienced was too much intensity too fast.

Most quality toys have multiple speed and pattern settings for a reason. Start on the lowest. Work up slowly. Give your body time to respond and register pleasure rather than triggering an automatic withdrawal response. The toys on our shortlist below all offer enough setting variety to let you do exactly that.

There’s also a common myth worth addressing here. The concern that high-powered vibrators cause permanent desensitisation is not supported by evidence. Research referenced by sex researcher Nicole Prause consistently fails to find lasting desensitisation from vibrator use, and our deep dive into why people use sex toys covers this myth in more detail. Temporary numbness from extended use at high intensity resolves quickly. Starting lower isn’t about protecting yourself from damage — it’s just more enjoyable.

Noise Anxiety

If you live with other people, in a flat with thin walls, or in any situation where privacy feels limited, noise anxiety is completely legitimate. The fix is choosing a toy specifically marketed as quiet or whisper-quiet rather than hoping any toy will be discreet enough. Several of the products below are notably quiet motors. Running a shower or playing music at a moderate volume while you use a toy you’re unsure about is also a practical short-term solution. It sounds obvious, but it genuinely helps.

Lube Is Not Optional

We’re going to say this clearly because it still isn’t said clearly enough. Lube is not an accessory. It’s not an admission that something is wrong with your body. It’s part of the experience, and using it will almost always make a toy feel better.

Natural lubrication varies between people, changes across a menstrual cycle, and is affected by stress, medication, sleep, and hydration. The idea that you only need lube if your body “isn’t working properly” is wrong and unhelpful. Silicone toys feel smoother with lube. Glass and steel toys feel extraordinary with lube. Even external stimulators can benefit from a small amount of water-based lube to reduce friction on the skin.

Which Lube Works With Your First Toy

For a first toy, water-based lubricant is your safest universal choice. It’s compatible with all toy materials and all condoms, it’s the easiest to clean up, and it’s gentle enough for sensitive tissue. Good options include Sliquid H2O, YES WB, and the Lovehoney Discover Water-Based Lubricant, and our advanced anal play guide has more on lube pairing if you’re planning to go there eventually. Hold off on Überlube for now because it’s silicone-based and not compatible with silicone toys.

The one rule you need to know: silicone-based lubricant and silicone toys don’t mix. Silicone lube can degrade the surface of a silicone toy over time, which compromises the material and the toy. If your toy is silicone (and if you’ve bought well, it probably is), use water-based lube with it. Silicone lube is excellent in other situations. The skin feel is incredible and it lasts far longer than water-based alternatives, but pair it only with glass, metal, or ABS plastic toys, or for use without any toy at all.

Oil-based lubricants are not recommended for use with latex condoms, as they degrade latex. If you’re covering a toy with a condom for easier cleaning or to share it safely, use water-based lube with a latex condom every time.

Your Beginner Shortlist

These aren’t just popular toys. Every product below earns its place specifically because it’s appropriate for someone who’s new to this: manageable in size and intensity, from reputable brands using body-safe materials, with enough variety in settings to let you find what works for you.

For Solo Use: People With Vulvas

We-Vibe Tango X

The Tango X is a bullet vibrator, which means it’s small, precise, and very easy to use. We-Vibe has refined this design over multiple generations, and the Tango X is the current standard-setter in its category. It’s made from ABS plastic, rechargeable, and offers eight intensity levels that genuinely range from whisper-soft to quite powerful. Because it’s compact, you can use it exactly where you want it with minimal adjustment. It’s also quiet enough for most situations without needing a shower running. For first-time buyers who want clitoral stimulation without committing to anything larger, this is one of the most reliable starting points available.

If you want to try air pressure stimulation rather than direct vibration, the Satisfyer Pro 2 Generation 3 is where most people start, and with good reason. Air pressure stimulators work by creating gentle pulsating suction around the clitoris without direct contact, which produces a different quality of sensation to vibration — many people describe it as more internal or full. The Pro 2 is affordable, body-safe (ABS and silicone), and has a clean, intuitive interface. It’s waterproof, which makes cleaning easy. Use it with a small amount of water-based lube around the nozzle for the best seal and most consistent sensation.

The Lelo Sona 2 is a step up in both price and sophistication. Like the Satisfyer, it uses sonic waves rather than direct vibration, but Lelo’s technology creates deeper resonance that some people find produces more intense, more satisfying orgasms than surface stimulation alone. It’s whisper-quiet, beautifully made, and comes in a small, easy-to-hold form. If your budget stretches to it and you want something you’ll use for years, the Sona 2 is worth the investment.

Lelo Mona Wave

For anyone who answered “internal stimulation” earlier and wants a first vibrator for G-spot use, the Lelo Mona Wave is a strong recommendation. Its curved shaft and come-hither wave motion are designed specifically to replicate the kind of rhythmic pressure that tends to feel best on the G-spot. It’s smooth, body-safe silicone, USB rechargeable, and comes with eight stimulation modes. The key here is taking your time, using plenty of water-based lube, and not expecting fireworks in the first five minutes. G-spot stimulation can take practice and patience, but this toy makes that exploration comfortable.

For Solo Use: People With Penises

Tenga Egg

The Tenga Egg is a single-use masturbation sleeve made from a stretchy elastomer material. Tenga doesn’t classify it as fully non-porous in the way medical-grade silicone is, but because it’s designed for single use and disposed of after, the hygiene concern that applies to reusable porous toys simply doesn’t apply here. It fits over the penis and provides a completely different tactile experience to a bare hand. Each Egg comes pre-lubricated inside, and the range includes several different internal textures (Wavy, Twister, Silky, and more). They’re inexpensive, discreet, and disposable, which makes them a genuinely low-commitment way to experience what a stroker toy feels like without spending a lot of money. We’ve covered the broader anti-stigma case for masturbation sleeve use in our piece on why people use sex toys. The short version is that using one is normal, enjoyable, and nothing to feel odd about. If you want to go deeper on what to look for in a reusable sleeve, our guide to choosing the best Fleshlight covers maintenance and model differences in detail.

Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit

If you want something reusable, more immersive, and longer-lasting, the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit (known as the STU) is the most recognised product in this category for a reason. It uses Fleshlight’s SuperSkin material, a phthalate-free material designed to approximate the feel of skin, inside a hard plastic case. The STU’s internal texture is specifically designed to be stimulating without providing rapid stimulation to ejaculation, which makes it a useful tool for people who want to develop more control over their arousal response. It requires water-based lube and specific cleaning practices (rinse with warm water only, no soap inside the sleeve, leave to air dry). With proper care, it lasts a very long time.

For Couples

We-Vibe Chorus

The We-Vibe Chorus is a couples’ vibrator designed to be worn internally by one partner during penetrative sex, stimulating the G-spot and clitoris simultaneously while the other partner penetrates. It’s adjustable, made from body-safe silicone, and connects to the We-Vibe app so either partner can control it from their phone. We’ve covered couples’ toys extensively, and the Chorus consistently holds its position as one of the best in this category because of its flexibility. Its bendable fit suits a wider range of body sizes and shapes than many rival designs, and it genuinely works during sex rather than just in theory. For more options at different price points, our guide to the best sex toys for couples has you covered. Use water-based lube, take your time getting the fit right, and expect a short learning curve.

Lovense Lush 3

The Lovense Lush 3 is a wearable Bluetooth vibrator designed for internal wear. It’s probably best known as a long-distance toy — its app connectivity makes it ideal for couples who are in different locations — but it works equally well in the same room. One partner wears it internally while the other controls the intensity and pattern via the Lovense app. It’s whisper-quiet, body-safe silicone, and has a strong, long-lasting motor. We’ve written about using teledildonics for consensual remote play before, and the Lush 3 is the entry point most readers come back to. If either of you is curious about that kind of dynamic, this is where to start.

A Note on Consent and Communication

If any of the coupled toys above appeal to you, a quick note. Using a partnered toy well starts with a conversation. Agree in advance who controls what and when, establish what you’re both comfortable with, and check in during and after use. This doesn’t need to be a formal negotiation. It can be as simple as asking “do you want to try this tonight, and is it okay if I control it?” but it should happen. Good sex starts with both people genuinely wanting to be there, with or without toys.

One Last Thing Before You Buy

You don’t need to get this perfect on the first try. Even with all the guidance above, your first toy might turn out not to be your favourite — and that’s fine. What matters is that you’re choosing something body-safe, something suited to what you actually want to feel, and something from a reputable brand. From there, every toy you try teaches you something useful about your own body and your own pleasure.

As we’ve explored in our guide to the reasons people use sex toys, the case for bringing toys into your sex life isn’t just about orgasms. It’s about self-knowledge, communication, and pleasure on your own terms. Your first toy is just the starting point.

Read Next: 8 Considerations Before You Buy a Sex Toy for Your Penis if you want more detail on the penis-owner shortlist, or 5 Sex Bloggers Share Their Top Toys for Vulvas for real-world voices on what works.